My Evolving "Feminism" - Meghan Mills

I AM NOT A FEMINIST.

I adopted feminism as part of my identity almost immediately upon discovering it. My own empowerment and sense of purpose was positively correlated with my feminist identity. That is, as I became more involved with feminism, I felt increasingly empowered and purposeful.

I was not critical of my new identity; I was in need of self-validation, and feminism seemed to make sense. I gobbled up the theories and adopted feminism before I understood its inherently racist foundations, and before questioning not only who actually benefited from a feminist identity, but who had access to it. I became excited over feminist magazines, and forgot to be critical of them; who are these writers and why were they published? I did not think twice about my own privilege and how that ultimately led to my actually being able to label myself a feminist.

Evolving Conceptually : Passion is not enough. Act.

“If you want to truly understand something, try to change it.”
- Kurt Lewin

In the last six months, I have tried to change feminism, and as a result, discovered its hypocrisy.

According to feminism, the conceptualization of "feminism as politic" is not only an elitist statement, but a bad one. A response made on my last blog entry made this clear to me,

I think it’s an individual’s personal politics to claim feminism or not, and the way they claim feminism whether it be a lifestyle, politic or identity shouldn’t be criticized.

This is an exemplary feminist ideology, and something that I had severely lacked. I was not accepting of others feminism. Moreover, I denied the possibility that feminism could be elitist.

Feminism, whatever your identity - whether marxist feminist, eco-feminist, pro-choice feminist - each have a set of requirements that must be met in order to adopt these identities. This is also known as "gate keeping." If, for whatever reason, one cannot "fit" into a preexisting category of feminism, a new feminism - a new category - is born.

My preconception of my feminism as "not elitist" was flawed. Over the last six months, I have learned that feminism is an exclusive identity that many do not have access to - it is elitist.

Redefining Feminism : Feminism as Complacent

".... because I don't want to align myself with a political movement that doesn't agree with my politics."

- Nicole Beuglet

I had ardently believed that feminist practice was synonymous with resistance. According to other feminists, however, that presumption is not only inaccurate, but oppressive to other feminists!

This was when my definition of feminism - and not my actual politics - began to change: how could I tolerate one's lack of interest in seriously challenging the aspects of their own identity that could potentially contribute to another's oppression? Moreover, how could I ally myself with these individuals? For example, for a white woman to not attempt to challenge the privilege of her ethnicity, or a heterosexual woman to not challenge the privilege associated with her sexuality - both respectively condone the continued marginalization of non-white women, as well as perpetuate heteronormativity.

My definition of feminism as a progressive and ultimately empowering identity diminished rapidly as I found myself in just as much opposition with feminists as I did with non-feminists. Many feminists struggle with the stereotypes associated with that identity, and rather than question why these stereotypes are "bad", they internalize and perpetuate it. During the last Women's Studies Student Association, a student said "not all feminists are hairy legged, angry, radical, lesbians." This is a common statement.What these feminists don't understand, is that many - including myself in many ways - are hairy leffed, anry, radical, lesbians.

Therefore, it is, as Nicole has said, difficult to align myself with others who not only fiercely oppose my politics, but also shame me because of them. I have been aligning myself with a political movement that is ashamed of my politics.I therefore do not feel "free" at all as a feminist, just frustrated and disconnected.

Active versus Passive

Go out and change the world you live in, it is the only world you have! Change that motherfucker!

- Staceyann Chin

Those who do not actively resist, perpetuate inequalities. Because one cannot possibly hope to resist everything, one should constantly be working toward some sort of goal. I had once believed that this was what feminist practice was - to not only resist, but to want to resist. I was wrong. Feminism does not have expectations, and one does not need to challenge his/herself to be feminist.

In the last six months, I have been in constant opposition with feminists, and although I believe my conviction to have grown stronger because of it, it has been nevertheless exhausting. As a result, I have been forced to reconsider and potentially redefine what it means to dofeminism.

Bell Hooks, despite my initial resistance to her argument that feminism should be advocated rather than be used as an identity, has recently rocked my feminist-advocate world. I no longer feel the need to challenge others feminist practice, because I no longer identify as feminist. Identifying as anything, to me, is not enough to make serious and long lasting change in the world.